My daughter, my angel  / Josie Hester (mom)
Soon it will be your birthday here on earth. It will be a day that will tear at our hearts. It is harder even now because the shock has lessened and the realization that your life here with us is only the memories we hold in our hearts. The need for the physical touch is stronger than ever, I wish I could hug you!!! I wish I could bake you a cake, go shoppin for you a birthday gift, of which Im sure you would have made me aware of what you wanted. I love you dearly and I have always been so PROUD of you. I think of how for weeks prior to your birthday , you would always start reminding me daily how close it was and of something you wanted.So over the last few days I know you have been nudging me!! I already have some roses for you! I know you would tell me not to be sad but grief is a normal thing when you love someone as much as I love you. Its ok for me to cry, I loved you when you were here and I love you still. I miss you. EVERYONE does. I have been thinking about the birthdays in the past, all of which you were always so ready for. I can see you face , smiling and laughing and being silly. I remember the very clothes you had on and the way you wore your hair with a big bow! I think of the big slumber birthday pary you had and all the friends that slept everywhere from the living room to under the dininig table. Most of which was there to say goodbye at your memorial service.I remember the skate parties and how you'd dance on those skates!  Thanks for those memories and as bad as it hurts having you and losing you is still so much better than to have never known your sweetness. The pain of having such a love come into your life and losing it is still far better than to have never known that love. You blessed my life , Jennifer with an amount of love that will last me my lifetime. You left me a piece of you in Mason too.   I love you, my daughter, my angel.   love Mom    p.s. "Happy Birthday" Close

THINKING OF YOU  / CHERI BROOKS FROM OHIO (N/JUST ANGELS )
Close

Sisters!! / Dana Jo Green (sister)

Siblings may be ambivalent about their relationships in life, but in death the power of their bond strangles the surviving heart. Death reminds us that we are part of the same river, the same flow from the same source, rushing towards the same destiny. 

It is said that when your parents die, you lose your past; when your spouse dies, you lose your present; and when your child dies, you lose your future. However, when your sibling dies, you lose your past, your present, and your future. After all, the relationship between siblings is potentially the longest of their lives. The death of an adult sibling at any age is a significant loss. 

When a child dies, grief is a family affair. It hits mom, dad, and siblings with equal despair. Mom cries and cannot get out of bed. Dad holds in emotions and leaves much unsaid. Sister and brother simply cannot understand why death came and dealt this kind of hand.

“ All of a sudden I burst into tears and cannot control my crying.” You have the freedom to cry when you need to – and to leave the room when you wish.


The second year of grief is sometimes harder than the first. Because you feel less numb, you are more vulnerable to feelings of sadness and helplessness. You have begun to confront painful feelings and memories you worked hard to avoid during the first year after the death.

Hope is not an easy word for grievers— but we, more than others, need to understand what hope can mean for us. Hope means finding the strength to live with grief. Hope means nurturing with grace the joy of remembrance. Hope means embracing with tenderness and pride our own life and the gifts left to us by those we have lost.

SOMETIMES 
Sometimes something clicks, 
And with a tear 
Remembrance of the pain 
And the loneliness 
Flood the heart. 
Sometimes something clicks, 
And with a smile 
Remembrance of the love 
And the laughter 
Flood the senses. 
And there are times 
When nothing clicks at all, 
And a voice echoes 
Through the emptiness And numbness 
Never finding the person 
Who used to fill that space. 
And sometimes The most special time of all, 
A feeling ripples through your Body, heart and soul 
That tells you That person never left you 
And he’s right there with you Through it all. 

dragonflies join butterflies as symbols for children gone too soon but who live on… 

There are times when you wish to ignore the grief. When you sense the tears welling up in your eyes on the way back to work after lunch, you try to force them back. When you're afraid you might ruin a happy moment for your friends, you keep your sadness to yourself. When you stop in front of a photograph and quickly try to refocus on cleaning your desk, you're attempting to go around grief. Why not take a moment to look at your sibling and reflect? Avoiding the intense emotions seems more practical than crying at work or at school. Confusion is normal when you're battling yourself for control. Not knowing what's appropriate is normal. Forgetting your phone number is normal. Worrying about forgetting your sibling is normal. Wishing that the events of your sibling's life had played out differently is normal. Feeling isolated is normal and being unsure about your future is normal. Anything that seems abnormal is normal for you as a newly bereaved sibling. Allow yourself to focus on your grief. Feel the helplessness. Let it out. Write about it. Become absorbed in your grief, but don't let it consume you. Close

Grief... What is "normal?"  / Dana Jo (sister)
~ Grief is not an illness that medicine or time heals in conventional ways.

~ Loss involves any change to your life that was not sought after, is not reversible, and came to us unwanted. Positive can also cause grief responses.

~ Grief can't be "fixed" away. It can however be ignored or denied for a time. Yet it is still there buried within you and may return at a later time.

~ Grief can steal away your identity and role in society leaving you searching.

~ There is no "normal" way to grieve. "Normal" methods of grief usually are identified as such by someone not grieving.

~ There are safe ways to express grief and there are dangerous ways.

~ If whatever you are experiencing or doing does not permanently harm you or another person then basically it is normal. We realize this sounds very broad, but what we are saying here is that this grief is your own.

~ There is no recipe for successful grieving. There may be no such thing as successful grieving. There are only those things that help us learn to live our lives again in a meaningful way. Each of us has different needs that help guide us to that new place.

~ Find those people, places, and activities that help to ease the pain as you rebuild your life.

~ Grief may require that you listen to yourself and trust your instincts.

~ Grief may require you be gentler to yourself than you may have ever been before.

~ Grief may ask of you to be more tolerant of people's actions and lack of action towards you.

~ Grief may demand from you the ability to teach others what it is that you need to deal with your loss and cope best with your own pain.

~ Reach out for help. It is your right to receive it, yet in some instances you may need to demand it.

~ When society refuses to acknowledge our grief they minimize our pain and deny us a part of our own history.

copyright www.goodintentionsonline.org Close

Sisters / Dana Jo (Sister)
Jennifer, 

I do not even know where to start. Today marks 18 months + one day that you were taken from all of us. This weekend has been extremely difficult for me. I want with everything that I have to call you or have you come by or meet you at mom's just to talk. Just to hear your voice or be able to touch you. I miss our sister talks. I know I should be grateful for the time that I had with you and the talks that we had but today I am filled with so many emotions. I am filled with fury one moment at the jerk that took you from us then I turn around and I am overwhelmed with sadness. Today I am 9 weeks pregnant and all I keep thinking about is when you were pregnant with Mason. We had classes together at the college. You told me everyday of the exciting and exhausting moments you had. I watched you as you progressed thru the last few months of your pregnancy and even took my final early to be with you at the hospital for Mason to come into this world. You were so great!! You remained calm the whole time. But most of all I remember us talking about you being the younger sister and I had always experienced things first but pregnancy you had done first. And you could not wait to share the "expectations" and explain things to me. I remember you telling me one time that if I needed you to, you would carry a baby for me because you wanted me to have a baby. 

Well, I finally am, but I can not stand the fact that you are not here to share this with me. I know you are our angel and you are with us but today I just want to be selfish; I want your body, mind, voice and spirit here on earth with us. I can not say that one more day would be enough because I know if we had one more day, I would want another. It is just not fair. I want to be able to call you and tell you what the doctor says, show you my ultrasound pictures, for you to be with mom and I to pick up nursery stuff and all the other things involved. I want to have your explanation of stuff, I want to share with you this experience because you are my sister!!!!!

I know that I will have many more of these days to come and I promise to stay strong. I know you will help me. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, I want to sit in a dark room and cry, but most of all I want to have you here with me. Jenn, I miss you deeply!!!! I love you more than words can express. You are our angel. 

Dana Jo Close

MY HEART SWELLS WITH ADMIRATION  / KRISTY LUMPKINS LITTLE (friend of family )
Dear Josie and Dana and friends/family,
I come to this site periodically and reading the messages humbles me. I admire you all so much in the way you honor your beautiful Jennifer and the way you lift each other up. I can be feeling so down and "pitiful" sometimes, and then I come here and read and feel so blessed and uplifted. I could never imagine your pain from the loss of Jennifer, as I have been spared of such experience thus far in my life. But I can tell you that my heart swells with emotion and hope for you all when I visit this site and read the messages/ look at Jennifer's pictures. My favorite picture is the one of Jennifer holding Mason on the beach, she is looking out at the water and he is laying his head on her shoulder as he looks back. That is priceless. It makes me imagine that Jennifer is looking out at the endless possibilities and accomplishments that are ahead for her precious son, and looking back now, I feel when I look at that picture, that God set aside that special time for her and her son to stand there together, Mason feeling so safe and secure in his Mommy's comforting arms, under God's massive blue sky with His creation in view as far as you could see; Jennifer may have been taking it all in and I am sure feeling so BLESSED to be right there, right then, at that moment with her baby boy. She had no way of knowing how much that moment and that picture would mean to Mason and all of those who miss her, and even some people that never even knew her. It affects them, too. You see, sometimes when something tragic like this happens, it is almost impossible to see any positive impact it has. You become so overwhelmed with grief, sorrow, and yearning for that person that it totally obscures your view of any blessings that have come from it. But I promise you, and I hope you will always remember that people's hearts & lives are touched by her memory, Mason, all of you, and this website. I feel hope, appreciation, and a quiet "humbleness" every time I visit this website. It does my heart a world of good every time I read the tributes. Josie, I absolutely love to read your letters; they just "grab" at my heart and, as a mother of a daughter,  I feel like I am hearing the words just pouring out of yours. You are such a great mother and you inspire me to be the same. You humble me so much and make me see the really importance things in my life- it's not the job, the house, or any of that- it's the PEOPLE and especially my children. I am so sorry that you have lost one of yours, and I know it is hard for you to see, but there have been blessings born of this terrible tragedy. I love you all. Stay strong and always know that Jennifer would want you to continue to celebrate her LIFE and not become overwhelmed in the grief of her death. She wants you to smile.  Her life was a such a gift to so many. Josie, Dana & Jason, Dan, DJ, I love you!!!!             Close

ONE YEAR & SIX MONTHS AGO  / Josie Hester (mom)
Tonight is one year and 6 months to the very evening I last saw you, tonight  is Friday, August 11,2006. I picked up Mason from daycare today and he is with me now. He has grown so and is so cute and precious. Just as you are so precious in my life too. I remember you calling and asking me to keep Mason for you because your cousin Emmitt wanted you to go out with him and friends to celebrate his birthday and your graduation. On the Friday evening I last saw you I will never forget anything about it. You had on the black jacket and pink shirt that we picked out as part of your graduation gift and you looked so professional in it. You bent down to give Mason a hug and kiss and reminded him to be good for Nana while you were gone. You told him you loved him very much then you turned and asked me if I wanted you to come here at the end of your night out or just pick him up the next morning. You told me you would come  & spend the nite here if I wanted. So many times I have wished so hard that is what I had asked you to do because then you'd still be here now. But I also know God had a bigger plan for you. Its just so hard to live our life here without you here too. All of that evening will always be forever ectched in my mind. You are so missed, words cannot express how much. Jennifer I will always do all that I can to keep Mason safe and make him happy. He doesnt know where you are and he doesnt understand why he doesnt see you. He misses you and needs you to hold his hand and guide him from heaven. I will someday explain to him what happened and I will always tell him how much you loved him. Your touch in his life will forever be with him. They say time heals but it seems as though time has stood still, Mason has grown and changes daily yet it feels like its only been just a few days ago you were taken from us. A year and half ago I lost a piece of my heart, only until we are reunited will it be whole again. I miss the talks we shared and all the laughs you always gave us. You were such a joy to our life. You are dearly missed. We loved you then and we love you still....always in our thoughts and forever in our hearts...my angel you were and my angel you are.....love , mom Close

I wish I would of known you  / Wendy Vestal
I am so sorry for this. I wish I could of met you. Though your time was short I'm sure it was completely purposeful and you made a huge mark. 

Wendy Close

pics / Kari Grogan (friend)
I am looking at your pictures and I still don't understand how you are not here.  I sometimes have what I call Bad Jennifer Days.  I have chickend out 3 times in 2 months to go and see you.  I am sorry, I just don't know why I have become this way.  Looking at your pictures brings on a lot of different emotions. Memories, and happiness and then sadness of course. There is so much that I want to share with you, and I sure could use your help.  But that is me, always wanting Jennifer to help me with something or listen to my big mouth.  Your sweater is hanging in my bathroom still, too hot to wear right now, but I never put it away, not once.  I see it everyday.  I just want you to know that I think about you EVERYDAY, not one day has gone by in a year and a half that I have not thought about you.  miss you so much, would do anything to bring you back. I have dreams ever so often, I wish you would come more~ Close

THANKS FOR THE KIND WORDS...  / CAROL,KEVIN,MOM POOLE

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR GOING ON KEV,SITE.YOU GAVE US SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT.ONE MOM TO ANOTHER MOM KNOW EACH OTHER PAIN.JENNIFERIS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY AND I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER.YOU ARE SO RIGHT GOD WILL TURN OUR TEARS INTO JOY IF WE WILL TRUST HIM AND WAIT IN HIM.MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU.A MOM THAT KNOW YOUR PAIN.....

Close

I MISS YOU  / Josie Hester (mom)

Jennifer I miss you greatly. Time has stood still in my heart. I find it very hard to cope some days. I want so much to hold you and to feel you. Memories seem shallow sometimes, the need for the physical touch is sometimes more than I can bear. I feel I keep holding things together but dont know really why. My life here feels so empty. I guess time has a way of healing but for me every second is painful. I go through emotions with feeling so little. Happy is not happy. To hear of a loss of a child tears my heart out, for I know the pain that accompanies such a loss. I wish I could talk with you, in my mind I can hear your voice. "Mom" you would say, "dont cry, I'm ok" . We had such a closeness and I miss you so much, and no one can ever fill the space you occupied in my heart. I know everyone here loves me and wants to help but there just isnt anything anyone can do to mend my heart. To hear someone speak your name and to share memories of you has been a blessing and I want to continue to share what a beautiful joy you were to my life, my angel you were and my angel you are! Your family has been changed, our lives will never be as before. We all miss you so much.We all hold your memory dear to our hearts. We will never get over losing you. We all love Mason so much, he is a daily reminder of your spirit. He is so smart and very much like his mommy. He is sweet, compassionate, such a beautiful little boy. I will always tell him how much you loved him and I will help him to remember you. You aways were so good with him and knew just how to love his every need, please help me , Jennifer. I need you to help me help him understand why you are gone. He is missing you and he is needing you to touch his heart from heaven and hold his little hand and guide him along his path in this life til he again someday is with you. I will always do all that I can to take care of him here but you will always be his "mommy".  I love you Jennifer, always, Mom.

Close

to the family  / Kari Grogan (she's my girl )

Josie, Dan, Dana and D.J.

I just want to say that I think you guys are a wonderful family, just great people.  I love and respect all of you.  The pain of loss that  all of you have suffered is too much to put into words.  I am sorry that yall are going through it again.  I am here for all of you, anything you need, just holler!  Jennifer wanted to take care of people here on earth and she is doing it in Heaven.  I try to think of it  as she is happier than we are because she gets to serve God and feel no pain, she is no longer tired.  But we here are tired, and sad and angry.  I pray that we can all understand why all of this is happening.  I just think that your family has been through enough, and I hate it for yall.  I love yall and please let me know if you need ANYTHING!!! kari

Close

Pennies from Heaven...  / Gladys Luttrell
     I did not know your Jenn, but would like to tell you something in case you have never heard this before.  I always pick up a penny when I see one lying on the ground.  I was told a long time ago that pennies are thrown down from Heaven, as a way for our loved ones to let us know that they are looking down on us.  So many people don't even bother to pick up pennies when they see them.  Hope this brings you many "Hello's from your Jenn. Close

Always and forever  / Autumn Rose Frizzell (none)
I never knew Jennifer, but through all of the stories her friends and family have shared, I feel as though I do! she seemed like a very very sweet, funny and caring person. A favorite song quote I like for obvious reason is "forgive, sounds good. forget, Im not sure if I could, they say, time heals everything, but I'm still waiting" I don't know, it just seemed fitting, ya know? anyway, I know that no matter how much time passes, you will never ever forget the wonderful, amazing person that was taken away much too soon. and the pain will never go away, completely, but I, like MANY MANY MANY other people are here for all of you, her friends and family. and you are all in my prayers.

I love you all
Keep your head up
Autumn Close

Never even knew you.....  / Shannon Anderson

I have heard so many wonderful things about you!!!!
I never met you and I miss you.....
If you are hanging out with my brother, give him a hug for me.... Close

a gift from God  / Josie Hester (mom)
I want to thank you for the tribute to our Jenn. Its a special gift from God that you have come to this site. Our Jennifer is missed beyond words and the pain in our hearts is great but it is a comfort to know there is someone else that shares a life similar to our angel. Our Jennifer was truly an angel here on Earth, and now she is with God and we have to cope with each day that we are here without her. Its the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. But I believe Jennifer sends us things we need to get thru difficult times. I believe she lead you to this site so we would know she lives!  Sharing with us the very person you are makes us feel even closer to our  own angel. Truly God and Jenn sent you to us, to comfort us.If you would like you may contact me personally at  jo-see@peoplepc.com. Close

to the woman that shares my friends name  / Kari Grogan (friend)
I want to say that I was a little more than shocked when I read that someone else shares the name and some qualites of our wonderful Jennifer.  I come here just about everyday and when I read that tonight I was stunned.  I talked to Josie about it and this is almost wonderful, maybe it's a sign of some sort.  When I was talking to Kendra I told her that I wanted to pretend she was you Jennifer.  I miss you so so much! The picture of you on my refridgerator is one that I took of you. I miss our good times together with our kids. 

For the woman that shares our the name of my friend I would love to hear from you. feebeejava@sbcglobal.net is my address.  kari Close

sharing a name  / Jennifer Hester (none)
I came across this lovely site only because I was wondering whether I could find myself on google.com.  My name is Jennifer D. Hester.  I go by Jenn (with 2 n's--something I decided at the age of 4), I'm a nurse, I love to sing, my dad plays guitar, I have one young child who loves her "nana" and "papa", and I endured the death of my dear cousin a few years ago.  As I looked around this site, I was struck again and again by the similarities of our lives.

What started out as mere curiousity about the life of a woman who shares my name, ended in a great respect for her life and a deep sadness for her loved ones. 

I hope I haven't caused any pain by sending you this message.  I was just very touched to learn about your Jenn.  I'm so sorry that her life was snuffed out so young.  Take good care of that precious little boy of hers.  You'll remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Yours,
Another Jenn Hester

Close

Remember Jennifer  / Josie Hester (mom)
I havent written anything in awhile but I do visit this site most every day. I find comfort here but somedays its hard and hurts lots. I have a piece of my heart missing and until I am with my baby again it will remain missing. Nothing can fill the space Jennifer onced filled. I miss her more with every day that goes by. I have a lot of anger inside because I feel it is so unfair my baby is gone from this earth. An Angel she was while she was here. I know many people love her and miss her but I deeply , deeply with all my heart miss her . I want her back.!!!Forever I will.!! I cry every day cause I miss her so much. The tears come at many different times, and I find myself crying when I am alone cause I dont want  others to get upset. There is  no pain as great as this. I just want to die at times. It has been over a year and still the pain is so great, I think greater now than before. I know not when or if it will ever let up. I want people to remember Jennifer, she was such a special gift in our life. She gave us so many memories  I think of her everyday, I so  treasure them. Please say her name in my presence, I already am thinking of her. Even when I am doing other things, my thoughts continue to include her, just as I watch Mason play T-ball, I think of how Jennifer should be here, in his life, playing ball with him. She always had a playful spirit. She loved her son so much. She was such a good Mom. She spent much of her time with Mason playing and loving him. She sang to him all the time. I think he has some of her musical talent. He has a lot of his Mommy in him. God,  help him remember her and know how much she loved him! Close

visiting you  / Amber Armstrong (friend)

Jennifer, I came and to visit with you today, Jeff and I left flowers.  It was an upsetting morning, I cried when I awoke.  I went with Kari for support and vistit you.  Your head stone is gorgous and it meant a lot to me to go.  I know you and my mother are having a blast.  Dancing and talking away!  I will always remember you and you are very missed by me and Jeff.  Love always, Amber and Jeff

Close