Birthday time again!! / Dana Green (sister)Read >>
Birthday time again!! / Dana Green (sister)
Well Jen here it is again your birthday!! I cannot believe it is already here again...
I want to be able to have some happiness today for your birthday but so far I am out of luck.
I only keep thinking about you not being here physically!! How I wish I could just hug you and talk to you ... and then to think about Mason not having his mommy... it just hurts sooo much!
I am so thankful that mom has Mason this weekend.. I am hoping that they both find comfort in each other. and I know mom will bring Mason to the cemetary to "visit"!
Some people say "just go do something distract yourself" they just dont get it!!! there is NOTHING that can distract the feelings that are present AND even if I could go do something I would only be wishing I could be doing it with you!!
I remember so many times we celebrated our birthdays together.. from the times that we were kids to once we were grown..
It is just NOT the same anymore.
I go to the card aisle at walmart to buy you a card to bring to the cemetary and I know people think I am just nuts.. I stand in the aisle reading cards sobbing thinking to myself.. I am picking out a card to take to a cemetary plot- My sadness then turns to such anger.. it is so overpowering that I have to just leave. It is NOT fair that we have to feel this way.
I am so sorry that I feel this way on your birthday I should be happy... I will try!
Happy Birthday Jennifer Dee!! I love you and miss you!!!!!!
There isnt an angel in heaven that is more deserving to be there with God than our Jennifer. Jennifer was a blessing in so many ways to so many people here and I know she is one of Gods most precious angels. She is singing forever in heaven. She is dancing with other angels in Gods presence worshiping and giving praise to him for all his love. Jennifer had such an ability to love easily and without judement. She was very giving always wanting others to be happy. Jennifer will aways be missed here but she deserved more! She has been given eternal life peace and tranquility. God blesses her and loves her. I can only imagine.
YOU ONLY GET TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN ONCE! / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
YOU ONLY GET TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN ONCE! / Josie Hester (mom)
The pain never ends. Jennifer missing you and feeling cheated of not having you here in our lives is always present in our lives everyday. I havent been on this site in awhile truly pain has been the reason. I do get comfort from posting things here and seeing all the others that come here and remember you as well. Sadly over the last year there has been a court battle for Mason's wellbeing and this has been very painful . Mason has been subjected to so much in his short life and he has been cheated of "not knowing his mommy's love and tenderness". I think of how unfair it is that I dont have my daughter but that doesnt come close to what Mason has lost and will never have. UNFAIR! GOD ITS UNJUST! Mason is an innocent little boy. Mason has a compassionate heart for everyone around him. Adults too often dont think of what their actions do to children. Children learn what they are given what they are exposed to in their daily life. Mason has been through enough! I want him to be happy and feel safe at all times. He needs the UNSELFISH love and compassion he deserves. He is so young and he's fragile. The adult he is capable of becoming is effected by all the things that the adults in his life give him. Mason is very bright and intelligent. He understands things beyond his age. He is a child though not an adult. He needs to be able to feel safe and secure all the time. He doesnt need to live in fear! Never! Mason should feel love and the security that he is always safe in his home. When children are exposed to fighting & yelling they become fearful & scared. Treating children with respect TEACHES them respect. Respect is LEARNED by actions.Yelling and screaming at a child or around a child only teaches fear. The environment that surrounds your child daily can have life lasting effects. I Know we are human and make mistakes but the role models we are for our kids cant be redone. YOU ONLY GET TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN ONCE. Its important to learn from our mistakes and dont repeat them. "Our" mistakes effects "Our" Kids! As a parent that has lost a child to death never having the opportunity to hug her again is the most difficult thing to endure with all my heart I share with all that read this HUG your child LOVE your child there is absolutely NOTHING that feels as rewarding as having them love you back. JENNIFER WILL ALWAYS BE MISSED!
Everyday you are on my mind but the last week or so you have not left my thoughts. I see you everywhere. I see your car pass me all the time and when I turn to see if it is really you driving... the car is gone. I know it sounds crazy but I guess in a way I am crazy or maybe my grief makes me "see" things. I miss you soo much and wish that I could share so much with you.
As I rapidly approach my due date with our baby girl I am overly excited but I have such heartache too! I know in my heart you are the reason I am even having her. I had my 4D ultrasound yesterday and of course she looks like Jaxson (at least by the ultrasound picture). I just wish you were here so I could share this experience with you! I know you would spoil her rotten to the core before anyone else would even have a chance.
You were always the one that had the shoe fetish!! you were always getting dolled up, buying the clothes, staying in fashion, hair dos, make up, etc,etc... and I know you would make for sure Wylie Jo would have all that and more too!!
Even more I wish that Jaxson and Wylie could know you!! I show Jax pictures of you and tell him about you but it is not the same!
ALAN JACKSON SONG- SISSY'S SONG / Dana Green (sister)Read >>
ALAN JACKSON SONG- SISSY'S SONG / Dana Green (sister)
When I hear this song I cry but at the same time it also gives me comfort... if you have not heard it you need to go to a website or pay close attention to the radio!! it really tugs at the heart strings!!
Sissy's Song by Alan Jackson
Why did she have to go So young I just don't know why Things happen half the time Without reason without rhyme Lovely, sweet young woman Daughter, wife and mother Makes no sense to me I just have to believe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting And I know she's smiling saying Don't worry 'bout me
Loved ones she left behind Just trying to survive And understand the why Feeling so lost inside Anger shot straight at God Then asking for His love Empty with disbelief Just hoping that maybe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting And I know she's smiling saying Don't worry 'bout me
It's hard to say goodbye Her picture in my mind Will always be of times I'll cherish And I won't cry 'cause
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting And I know she's smiling saying Don't worry 'bout me Don't worry 'bout me Don`t worry 'bout me
our "snow angel" / Josie Hester (mom)
Again it is February and we are planning to leave on our annual ski trip to Colorada. Mason is going with us too. We find this a very helpful trip as the date of Jenn's death is also during the week we are there. It is easier to deal with the day when we are away. It is still a time we think of Jennifer and wish she was with us. She is our "snow angel". We cherish our memories of her on the mountain skiing. She was always such a joy to be around. She loved skiing and enjoyed the snow. I know she would be so happy that Mason has the opportunity to experience it . He loves it too. And again he is like his mom, he loves to ski fast! The mountain is so beautiful with all the snow and we always enjoy it. But we all think of her everyday while we are there. It is not the same as before, we miss her being there with us. To see her son enjoy things that she enjoyed is a blessing for us. It helps us heal a little. We carry Jennifer's memories everywhere we go, she will always be a part of us, even though she is not here. When I go to the top of the mountain I feel as though I almost can touch her, it is a closeness to her and heaven. I think that is why I enjoy it now. It does help with the pain. We all love Jennifer so much and wish so much she was here to ski down the slopes with her little boy, I know she could keep up with him!!! And too I believe she does ski down those slopes with him, he always tells me " mommy is in my heart, always" . He is an anormous little boy!! He talks about his mommy and he asks more questions about her now than before. I know he wants to remember her, he still cries sometimes and says he wants his mommy but he knows she is in heaven. He knows she loves him from there, but he misses her still. We all love and miss Jennifer! We always will. Close
Another Christmas is upon us and yet it seems you were just here yesterday but it also feels that it has been forever since I seen you, talked to you or even heard your voice. I miss you soooo very much! I have wanted to pick up the phone and call you sooo MANY times over the past few months. I am so sad yet so angry at times, I miss my sister and the ability to have her in my life. I know that sounds really selfish and when I think about being selfish I then think of Mason. He has lost so much- more than I or anyone else. Yet he still favors you in soo many ways. He is one of the most loving 6 year old boys I know. He is a rough and tough little boy but he loves to cuddle, hug and tell everyone how he loves them!! He is so free spirited! He is also a protector, he has such a huge heart- just like his MOMMY!!! I know you are looking in on him every moment of everyday and he feels your love.
This Christmas as I am sure you know, is very different from any we have ever had. We, as a family, have encountered many changes over the last year. And as mom said, many people are missing the entire spirit of Christmas.
Christmas is about family, kids, making memories and treasuring everything that is close to your heart. One thing that I know we have learned as a family from the tragedy of losing you is that we MUST treasure every moment we have with each other because you never know when it could end or when someone dear to you could be taken in a split second.
Although we have tears and sadness, we also have love and joy in our hearts. We are blessed to have had you in our lives and to now have you looking in on us from heaven. You are our ANGEL.
-more precious than gold / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
-more precious than gold / Josie Hester (mom)
Christmas is almost here and its another year we will watch Mason open gifts without his mommy. He is a super little guy! I know Jennifer from heaven beams with pride. He truly is a blessing to us too. He helps us to appreciate each moment of our lives. So many people are caught up in the material things of this world, not really "feeling" Christmas, the realness of what family is all about. When you have a loss like ours , you just dont get over it. You live with that loss everyday. Our family has been shattered. The pieces we still pick up each day. And each piece is more precious than gold. Christmas is more special than ever before, it is our time to pull together as the family we were then and are now, changed forever. We will always remember Jennifer, she will always be a part of us. Today and Forever!
P.S. To my daughter,
I LOVE YOU JENNIFER , WITH ALL MY HEART, I know you are with us on Christmas day and every day. Keep your angel wings wrapped around Mason as he grows, he forever needs you.
LOVING YOU ALWAYS! / Josie Hester (mom)
Today and everyday I am thankful that I had you in my life. Holidays are hard but with the tears comes joy too. We share memories of you and many times we laugh at the silly little things that you did that always made us laugh when you were here. So even today you bring us laughter. We all miss you and are sad that you are gone but you are still very much a presence in our hearts daily. Jennifer , you will always be a part of us, our lives go on and so does your love. Your love carries us through the hard times and God knows what a precious angel you were to us and still are.You are greatly missed!LOVING YOU ALWAYS! Close
I STILL MISS YOU BY Keith Anderson / Dana Green (Sister)Read >>
I STILL MISS YOU BY Keith Anderson / Dana Green (Sister)
I've changed the presets in my truck so those old songs don't sneak up they still find me and remind me yeah you come back that easy try restaurants I've never been to order new things off the menu that I never tried cause you didn't like two drinks in you were by my side
I've talked to friends I've talked to myself I've talked to God I prayed liked hell but I still miss you I tried sober I tried drinking I've been strong and I've been weak and I still miss you I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to I'd give anything for one more minute with you I still miss you I still miss you
I never knew til you were gone how many pages you were on it never ends I keep turning and line after line and you are there again I dont know how to let you go you are so deep down in my soul I feel helpless so hopeless its a door that never closes no I don't know how to do this
I've talked to friends I've talked to myself I've talked to God I prayed liked hell but I still miss you I tried sober I tried drinking I've been strong and I've been weak and I still miss you I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to I'd give anything for one more minute with you I still miss you yeah
I've talked to friends I've talked to myself I've talked to God I prayed liked hell but I still miss you I tried sober I tried drinking I've been strong and I've been weak and I still miss you I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to I'd give anything for one more minute with you I still miss you yeah
I still miss you I still miss you...... yeah.... yeah.....
This is definitely it; No matter what, I still miss you; EVERYDAY is a new day, EVERYTHING is a new encounter, and nothing helps!!
I love you Jennifer and miss you more than I can ever begin to express!!!
October 3, 2008, its your birthday and we all think of you with tears in our eyes and with an emptiness in our hearts. Its difficult to feel joy today. But with the memories we are able to feel a special closiness to you. Your life was precious and we miss you. You brought so much to each of us. We all wish we could have had more time with you here. I believe with all my heart that your life in heaven is so truly more wonderful. It is difficult still to live without your smile, laughter and presence. I know I should be grateful that God has chosen you to share in his heaven but its hard to live here without you. There is absolute days that I just want to die. I want so much to be with you. Nothing in this life can ever hurt like this. I do want to say that still to have had you for the time we did, is worth all the pain we will endure til we can be with you again. In your time here you gave us all so much. And Mason is the most precious little boy. We all get strength from him. He is so much like you, he is our little "window to you". Through Mason, your little angel, we can hug you, touch you, and love you. I have tried to do with him things I know you would do if you were here. Dana and I took him to the fair and he loved the "tilit-a-whirl" ride and the cotton candy. I know you always loved the rides and the cotton candy too. He is already getting excited about 'Halloween' too. I know you enjoyed dressing him up and taking him out so Dana and I try to keep it special for him. And this year he will have Jaxson with him. Mason loves spending time with Jaxson. You can just see the love he has for him.He has also been asking me when we can go skiing again.I plan to take him back again in February and just like you, he is a little speedy!!! Cannot go fast enough! So life here keeps us busy but with all of this , we still miss you. You are in our thoughts everyday and always in our heart . I wish you the most beautiful day in heaven! Happy Birthday Angel!!!
As we quickly approach the month of October for the 3rd time since you were taken from us, it does not feel any easier. It is even worse. my stomach is in knots, my heart aches, and I just want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs!!! I know it sounds sooooo selfish but ya know I can not help it sometimes. I miss you soooo much! We should be celebrating our birthdays together, you , me and mom. We shoud be taking our boys, of course along with Nana, trick or treating!! spoiling them rotten and rotting their teeth with candy.
AND of course to follow October only comes the holidays... Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Years, Annual Ski Trip and your angel date!!! So yes basically Oct starts the hardest half of the year every year!!! It starts the cascade of emotions on the downhill slope and it takes the other 6 months to get back up and then by time we all caught our breath it is October again.
Sometimes when I am driving I think back to the weeks and months that followed your death and remember all these people that said that "time will heal" "it will get better with time" and now I realize they did not have the slightest idea about what they were saying!! But I can not blame them anymore because they did not know what to say. I did not know what to say... I still do not know what to say!!
I do know that I miss you more than anything in this world and there are not ANY words that can describe the hurt and emptiness I feel on a DAILY basis. I guess some people were right, it is not every moment of everyday but it is EVERYDAY!!
"my window to my little girl" / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
"my window to my little girl" / Josie Hester (mom)
Time marches on...words in a song..so true! Your little boy graduated Kindergarden and now moves on to 1st grade. Soon he'll be all grown up. He is so much like you. So many times he does something or says things just like you did as a child. I usually tell him how you did things just like him. He thinks its "awsome" that you liked the same things, like mustard sandwiches and country music !!! He has such a sense of humor, sometimes jokes around just like you did...and he is also the protector...he looks after Jaxson, and always comes to his aid if he cries. He has such a big heart, just like his mommy. I see so much of you in him, sometimes I am taken back with it. Its almost a mirror image of you. Just the other day I realized he has your nose too. Anyone that looks at him sees your eyes but there are so many other features too that are yours. His smile and the way he cuts his eyes sometimes, also his ability to see things differently and always the good in things. I know those traits he gets from you. He will be quite a handsome man someday and an enormous human being! I know you are so proud and I know from heaven you gleem with pride. And Jennifer I know from heaven you can protect his heart. I dont know what his purpose in life is but for me he has been my rock," my window to my little girl "..I will always remember you, ALL of you!!! All the little moments that were absolutely unnoticed by all others I will always adore, they are my keepsakes of you. I still can see your little face when you went off to kindergarden and I too see you as the young lady you grew to be, the beautiful mother you are. God only knows how my heart aches.I miss you sweetie. I love you so much and Iwill always REMEMBER YOU. Close
Jenn, watch over us all and give us all the strength to make it through this time. I know you are with each of us and you know what has been going on so I do not have to elaborate. It is sooo hard, everyday to not cry, hurt, or just lose it. There is so much pain, so much feeling of loss, it just keeps on compounding more and more. There is no where to turn, there is no where to run there is no where to go to get a break!
I was outside with Jax the other day and was thinking alot about you and Mason and him not having you here. I was really sad and I know you took part in what happened next. As you know, Jax loves rocks out of the driveway and he had went over to the driveway and brought a rock over to me, it was brownish in color but the most mysterious thing was that is was shaped like a heart. It just made me kinda sigh and laugh. But at the same point, it jerked at my heart. ya know cuz Mason does not have you to play with outside. He cant walk up to you and just hug you, kiss you or talk to you. He still misses you so much and he battles everyday with his loss and grief... He is only 6 and should not have to deal with this stuff. He is so lost sometimes with his emotions. He is such a sweet, caring, loving boy. He loves Jax and he "takes care" of Jax.
I am sure you watched over yesterday so you seen how he made sure Jax was not in trouble but also laughing too.
I love you Jennifer and miss you more than I could ever express in words.!!!
WHAT A GREAT MOMMY!!! / Josie Hester (mom)
This Sunday is "Mother's Day" , a day to spend with the kids and grandkids! When I think about this day I think of how wonderful a "mom" Jennifer was. I get sad because Mason was so young I just know he will not really be able to remember her....not in the way the rest of us can....we remember her laugh, her smile, her touch, and even her smell...but Mason does not remember these things...I know he has qualities that will be with him all his life that she put there while she was here with him but my heart breaks for him still...a little boy without his mom...they were inseparable....she was so very proud of him and loved him more than anything else in this world...Jennnifer was so loving with her little boy...I know I wrote about this in other tributes but this is the most important thing I want to pass to Mason...." the MAGNITUDE of his mommy's love for him" I cannot emphasize it enough! She was the best "Mother" ever!!!! From the very first moment she knew she was pregnant she began to love Mason....in an enormous way!!! Her drive to excel at school was so that she could be the very best nurse she could be and give Mason the security he needed, to provide for him in every way....immediately with her first job when she graduated she wanted to put money into a college fund for Mason....she never saw her first paycheck....she died too soon.... Mason has grown with love around him and he does have that college fund, but nothing can ever fill that "mother's love" he will miss his entire life......"what Mason lives without" breaks my heart...."Jennifer's touch, her one on one with him, her tucking him into bed, her holding him when he hurts, her being a part of his laughter...all those memories he will never have with her"...Mason's life cannot ever be what it would have been if she had lived...He is a great little boy and I know Jennifer reaches down from heaven and holds him and loves him....but I think its not enough...she should be here.... we miss her and Mason misses her....WHAT A GREAT MOMMY YOU ARE, JENNIFER! WE ALL MISS YOU SO MUCH AND LOVE YOU !!!! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! Close
My mom is a survivor!! / Dana Green (sister)Read >>
My mom is a survivor!! / Dana Green (sister)
When I read this I immediately began to cry. Not just tears rolling down my face but actually crying. This fits mom and Jenn perfectly!!!
My Mom Is a Survivor
My Mom is a survivor, or so I’ve heard it said. I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed. I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand. She doesn’t know I’m with her to help her understand. But like the sands on the beach that never wash away, I watch over my mom, who thinks of me each day. She wears a smile for other, a smile of disguise. But through Heaven’s door I see tears flowing from her eyes. My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive. But anyone who knows it is her way to survive. As I watch over my mom, through Heaven’s open door, I try to tell her that angels protect me forever more. But I know that doesn’t help her or ease the burden she bears, so if you get a chance, go visit her, and show her that you care. For no matter what she says, no matter what she feels. My mom has a broken heart that time won’t ever heal!
our hearts continue to skip beats... / Josie Hester (mom)
February 12th.... 3 years and we miss you so much, our hearts continue to skip beats....you are in our thoughts daily...this is a very difficult month to get through.....we try to shield Mason from pain and each other too....life here goes on and times change ....there is happiness that is always incomplete, there is sadness in every day...our hearts are broken. You will always be missed in all that we do...we will never get over losing you ..I know our journey of life here will continue to be difficult without you but knowing we will see you again someday in Heaven gives us some peace....your very presence is around us , your memories keep us sane...your love touched each of us in special ways...we'll always treasure the gift you were...we all love you and miss you still......... your family. Close
If I had only known!! / Dana Green (Sister)Read >>
If I had only known!! / Dana Green (Sister)
Jennifer, there are so many days that I think back and wish so much that things were different when we were younger. If I had only known that we would lose you so early in life I would have done so much more with our time together. I know that as kids we all have our ups and downs but as I think back now there were some really stupid things we did not agree on and times that I wish I could have seen that it did not matter and to just hold you and love you as my sister. Now I do not have one to hold!! I know you are still with us as our angel in heaven and I know you love us very much and we love and miss you more than words could ever begin to describe. I think about Mason growing up and his everyday encounters that you are not on earth with him. I think about Jaxson growing up and never knowing you! or experiencing your wittiness, creative and crazy personality. I think about Kendra having her baby girl and you not being here and it makes me very sad but also very angry. I feel like I keep my tears and pain hidden because I am scared that if I allow them to flow then my anger will surpass them and then i will not have control. I know you understand because you have lived with me and witnessed both emotions. anyway, I just miss you soooo much and want you to be here with us to share in our daily lives. I know in my heart you are with us but sometimes I just want you to drive up at mom and dad's even if just for a second. I want to see your smile and hear your voice and see you with your baby boy and your nephew. You always had such a way with babies... I love you and miss you everyday!!!!!! Close
EVERYDAY I THINK OF YOU!!! / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
EVERYDAY I THINK OF YOU!!! / Josie Hester (mom)
Jennifer , I miss you more than words can ever say! I look around at others and see life going on yet mine still seems to be still. I look at Mason and in a brief moment realize how much he has grown since he was last with you. Looking at pictures is sometimes really hard cause it brings the "time" to realization, sometimes seems very long since we heard your voice and yet other times it hurts so bad it seems as though you just left! God is so lucky! Your voice I can still hear in my head, but I my heart wishes so that I could hug you and touch you! The holidays are here, Thanksgiving and already I am so torn with emotions, I heard Christmas music in the store yesterday and I wished it was not yet here cause it it so difficult without you. I turn my sorrow to thoughts of Mason and try hard to know that is where my JOY will come now, but life with you in it was so worth the pain I will endure for the rest of my life. I miss you my Angel!!! The holidays will never be the same, always we will miss you, we love you from here to eternity!!!!!!! EVERYDAY I think of you!!!! I love you so much!!!!! Close
Words of Encouragement / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
Words of Encouragement / Josie Hester (mom)
Words of encouragement! Have the courage to share your feelings with others so that you may receive support and encouragement along the way. Give yourself permission to hurt...to cry... to be human, But dont destroy the beauty of today by greiving over yesterday... or by worrying about tomorrow. Look to the beauty of what is left. Reach out to others....not only to only to love them but to learn from them as well. Always see the extraordinary in the ordinary, the beauty in a flower, the blessing of a friend, the love of a child. Never forget to laugh, to take risk....to love. Value every moment spent with loved ones while this life is so briefly yours,
JENNIFER lived by these words, and I too hope that you can look to these words when you are discouraged and feel her love and spirit.
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