I STILL MISS YOU BY Keith Anderson / Dana Green (Sister)Read >>
I STILL MISS YOU BY Keith Anderson / Dana Green (Sister)
I've changed the presets in my truck so those old songs don't sneak up they still find me and remind me yeah you come back that easy try restaurants I've never been to order new things off the menu that I never tried cause you didn't like two drinks in you were by my side
I've talked to friends I've talked to myself I've talked to God I prayed liked hell but I still miss you I tried sober I tried drinking I've been strong and I've been weak and I still miss you I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to I'd give anything for one more minute with you I still miss you I still miss you
I never knew til you were gone how many pages you were on it never ends I keep turning and line after line and you are there again I dont know how to let you go you are so deep down in my soul I feel helpless so hopeless its a door that never closes no I don't know how to do this
I've talked to friends I've talked to myself I've talked to God I prayed liked hell but I still miss you I tried sober I tried drinking I've been strong and I've been weak and I still miss you I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to I'd give anything for one more minute with you I still miss you yeah
I've talked to friends I've talked to myself I've talked to God I prayed liked hell but I still miss you I tried sober I tried drinking I've been strong and I've been weak and I still miss you I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to I'd give anything for one more minute with you I still miss you yeah
I still miss you I still miss you...... yeah.... yeah.....
This is definitely it; No matter what, I still miss you; EVERYDAY is a new day, EVERYTHING is a new encounter, and nothing helps!!
I love you Jennifer and miss you more than I can ever begin to express!!!
October 3, 2008, its your birthday and we all think of you with tears in our eyes and with an emptiness in our hearts. Its difficult to feel joy today. But with the memories we are able to feel a special closiness to you. Your life was precious and we miss you. You brought so much to each of us. We all wish we could have had more time with you here. I believe with all my heart that your life in heaven is so truly more wonderful. It is difficult still to live without your smile, laughter and presence. I know I should be grateful that God has chosen you to share in his heaven but its hard to live here without you. There is absolute days that I just want to die. I want so much to be with you. Nothing in this life can ever hurt like this. I do want to say that still to have had you for the time we did, is worth all the pain we will endure til we can be with you again. In your time here you gave us all so much. And Mason is the most precious little boy. We all get strength from him. He is so much like you, he is our little "window to you". Through Mason, your little angel, we can hug you, touch you, and love you. I have tried to do with him things I know you would do if you were here. Dana and I took him to the fair and he loved the "tilit-a-whirl" ride and the cotton candy. I know you always loved the rides and the cotton candy too. He is already getting excited about 'Halloween' too. I know you enjoyed dressing him up and taking him out so Dana and I try to keep it special for him. And this year he will have Jaxson with him. Mason loves spending time with Jaxson. You can just see the love he has for him.He has also been asking me when we can go skiing again.I plan to take him back again in February and just like you, he is a little speedy!!! Cannot go fast enough! So life here keeps us busy but with all of this , we still miss you. You are in our thoughts everyday and always in our heart . I wish you the most beautiful day in heaven! Happy Birthday Angel!!!
As we quickly approach the month of October for the 3rd time since you were taken from us, it does not feel any easier. It is even worse. my stomach is in knots, my heart aches, and I just want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs!!! I know it sounds sooooo selfish but ya know I can not help it sometimes. I miss you soooo much! We should be celebrating our birthdays together, you , me and mom. We shoud be taking our boys, of course along with Nana, trick or treating!! spoiling them rotten and rotting their teeth with candy.
AND of course to follow October only comes the holidays... Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Years, Annual Ski Trip and your angel date!!! So yes basically Oct starts the hardest half of the year every year!!! It starts the cascade of emotions on the downhill slope and it takes the other 6 months to get back up and then by time we all caught our breath it is October again.
Sometimes when I am driving I think back to the weeks and months that followed your death and remember all these people that said that "time will heal" "it will get better with time" and now I realize they did not have the slightest idea about what they were saying!! But I can not blame them anymore because they did not know what to say. I did not know what to say... I still do not know what to say!!
I do know that I miss you more than anything in this world and there are not ANY words that can describe the hurt and emptiness I feel on a DAILY basis. I guess some people were right, it is not every moment of everyday but it is EVERYDAY!!
"my window to my little girl" / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
"my window to my little girl" / Josie Hester (mom)
Time marches on...words in a song..so true! Your little boy graduated Kindergarden and now moves on to 1st grade. Soon he'll be all grown up. He is so much like you. So many times he does something or says things just like you did as a child. I usually tell him how you did things just like him. He thinks its "awsome" that you liked the same things, like mustard sandwiches and country music !!! He has such a sense of humor, sometimes jokes around just like you did...and he is also the protector...he looks after Jaxson, and always comes to his aid if he cries. He has such a big heart, just like his mommy. I see so much of you in him, sometimes I am taken back with it. Its almost a mirror image of you. Just the other day I realized he has your nose too. Anyone that looks at him sees your eyes but there are so many other features too that are yours. His smile and the way he cuts his eyes sometimes, also his ability to see things differently and always the good in things. I know those traits he gets from you. He will be quite a handsome man someday and an enormous human being! I know you are so proud and I know from heaven you gleem with pride. And Jennifer I know from heaven you can protect his heart. I dont know what his purpose in life is but for me he has been my rock," my window to my little girl "..I will always remember you, ALL of you!!! All the little moments that were absolutely unnoticed by all others I will always adore, they are my keepsakes of you. I still can see your little face when you went off to kindergarden and I too see you as the young lady you grew to be, the beautiful mother you are. God only knows how my heart aches.I miss you sweetie. I love you so much and Iwill always REMEMBER YOU. Close
Jenn, watch over us all and give us all the strength to make it through this time. I know you are with each of us and you know what has been going on so I do not have to elaborate. It is sooo hard, everyday to not cry, hurt, or just lose it. There is so much pain, so much feeling of loss, it just keeps on compounding more and more. There is no where to turn, there is no where to run there is no where to go to get a break!
I was outside with Jax the other day and was thinking alot about you and Mason and him not having you here. I was really sad and I know you took part in what happened next. As you know, Jax loves rocks out of the driveway and he had went over to the driveway and brought a rock over to me, it was brownish in color but the most mysterious thing was that is was shaped like a heart. It just made me kinda sigh and laugh. But at the same point, it jerked at my heart. ya know cuz Mason does not have you to play with outside. He cant walk up to you and just hug you, kiss you or talk to you. He still misses you so much and he battles everyday with his loss and grief... He is only 6 and should not have to deal with this stuff. He is so lost sometimes with his emotions. He is such a sweet, caring, loving boy. He loves Jax and he "takes care" of Jax.
I am sure you watched over yesterday so you seen how he made sure Jax was not in trouble but also laughing too.
I love you Jennifer and miss you more than I could ever express in words.!!!
WHAT A GREAT MOMMY!!! / Josie Hester (mom)
This Sunday is "Mother's Day" , a day to spend with the kids and grandkids! When I think about this day I think of how wonderful a "mom" Jennifer was. I get sad because Mason was so young I just know he will not really be able to remember her....not in the way the rest of us can....we remember her laugh, her smile, her touch, and even her smell...but Mason does not remember these things...I know he has qualities that will be with him all his life that she put there while she was here with him but my heart breaks for him still...a little boy without his mom...they were inseparable....she was so very proud of him and loved him more than anything else in this world...Jennnifer was so loving with her little boy...I know I wrote about this in other tributes but this is the most important thing I want to pass to Mason...." the MAGNITUDE of his mommy's love for him" I cannot emphasize it enough! She was the best "Mother" ever!!!! From the very first moment she knew she was pregnant she began to love Mason....in an enormous way!!! Her drive to excel at school was so that she could be the very best nurse she could be and give Mason the security he needed, to provide for him in every way....immediately with her first job when she graduated she wanted to put money into a college fund for Mason....she never saw her first paycheck....she died too soon.... Mason has grown with love around him and he does have that college fund, but nothing can ever fill that "mother's love" he will miss his entire life......"what Mason lives without" breaks my heart...."Jennifer's touch, her one on one with him, her tucking him into bed, her holding him when he hurts, her being a part of his laughter...all those memories he will never have with her"...Mason's life cannot ever be what it would have been if she had lived...He is a great little boy and I know Jennifer reaches down from heaven and holds him and loves him....but I think its not enough...she should be here.... we miss her and Mason misses her....WHAT A GREAT MOMMY YOU ARE, JENNIFER! WE ALL MISS YOU SO MUCH AND LOVE YOU !!!! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! Close
My mom is a survivor!! / Dana Green (sister)Read >>
My mom is a survivor!! / Dana Green (sister)
When I read this I immediately began to cry. Not just tears rolling down my face but actually crying. This fits mom and Jenn perfectly!!!
My Mom Is a Survivor
My Mom is a survivor, or so I’ve heard it said. I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed. I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand. She doesn’t know I’m with her to help her understand. But like the sands on the beach that never wash away, I watch over my mom, who thinks of me each day. She wears a smile for other, a smile of disguise. But through Heaven’s door I see tears flowing from her eyes. My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive. But anyone who knows it is her way to survive. As I watch over my mom, through Heaven’s open door, I try to tell her that angels protect me forever more. But I know that doesn’t help her or ease the burden she bears, so if you get a chance, go visit her, and show her that you care. For no matter what she says, no matter what she feels. My mom has a broken heart that time won’t ever heal!
our hearts continue to skip beats... / Josie Hester (mom)
February 12th.... 3 years and we miss you so much, our hearts continue to skip beats....you are in our thoughts daily...this is a very difficult month to get through.....we try to shield Mason from pain and each other too....life here goes on and times change ....there is happiness that is always incomplete, there is sadness in every day...our hearts are broken. You will always be missed in all that we do...we will never get over losing you ..I know our journey of life here will continue to be difficult without you but knowing we will see you again someday in Heaven gives us some peace....your very presence is around us , your memories keep us sane...your love touched each of us in special ways...we'll always treasure the gift you were...we all love you and miss you still......... your family. Close
If I had only known!! / Dana Green (Sister)Read >>
If I had only known!! / Dana Green (Sister)
Jennifer, there are so many days that I think back and wish so much that things were different when we were younger. If I had only known that we would lose you so early in life I would have done so much more with our time together. I know that as kids we all have our ups and downs but as I think back now there were some really stupid things we did not agree on and times that I wish I could have seen that it did not matter and to just hold you and love you as my sister. Now I do not have one to hold!! I know you are still with us as our angel in heaven and I know you love us very much and we love and miss you more than words could ever begin to describe. I think about Mason growing up and his everyday encounters that you are not on earth with him. I think about Jaxson growing up and never knowing you! or experiencing your wittiness, creative and crazy personality. I think about Kendra having her baby girl and you not being here and it makes me very sad but also very angry. I feel like I keep my tears and pain hidden because I am scared that if I allow them to flow then my anger will surpass them and then i will not have control. I know you understand because you have lived with me and witnessed both emotions. anyway, I just miss you soooo much and want you to be here with us to share in our daily lives. I know in my heart you are with us but sometimes I just want you to drive up at mom and dad's even if just for a second. I want to see your smile and hear your voice and see you with your baby boy and your nephew. You always had such a way with babies... I love you and miss you everyday!!!!!! Close
EVERYDAY I THINK OF YOU!!! / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
EVERYDAY I THINK OF YOU!!! / Josie Hester (mom)
Jennifer , I miss you more than words can ever say! I look around at others and see life going on yet mine still seems to be still. I look at Mason and in a brief moment realize how much he has grown since he was last with you. Looking at pictures is sometimes really hard cause it brings the "time" to realization, sometimes seems very long since we heard your voice and yet other times it hurts so bad it seems as though you just left! God is so lucky! Your voice I can still hear in my head, but I my heart wishes so that I could hug you and touch you! The holidays are here, Thanksgiving and already I am so torn with emotions, I heard Christmas music in the store yesterday and I wished it was not yet here cause it it so difficult without you. I turn my sorrow to thoughts of Mason and try hard to know that is where my JOY will come now, but life with you in it was so worth the pain I will endure for the rest of my life. I miss you my Angel!!! The holidays will never be the same, always we will miss you, we love you from here to eternity!!!!!!! EVERYDAY I think of you!!!! I love you so much!!!!! Close
Words of Encouragement / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
Words of Encouragement / Josie Hester (mom)
Words of encouragement! Have the courage to share your feelings with others so that you may receive support and encouragement along the way. Give yourself permission to hurt...to cry... to be human, But dont destroy the beauty of today by greiving over yesterday... or by worrying about tomorrow. Look to the beauty of what is left. Reach out to others....not only to only to love them but to learn from them as well. Always see the extraordinary in the ordinary, the beauty in a flower, the blessing of a friend, the love of a child. Never forget to laugh, to take risk....to love. Value every moment spent with loved ones while this life is so briefly yours,
JENNIFER lived by these words, and I too hope that you can look to these words when you are discouraged and feel her love and spirit.
Hey Jenn!! Miss you more than ever today. My heart aches. I want to hear your voice, smell your smell, see your smile... anything!! I know you are in heaven but I just wish you could be here sometimes. I know you are with us everyday and protecting us all but I mean completely here!! We had another family gathering as you know we always do.. and as I sat there watching everyone and listening... I was thinking about all that has happened lately and you know what I am talking about.. and I just wondered how anyone in this family could be so blind as to not realize how lucky they are to have their siblings here with them. There were so many at the gathering young and old that had their brother and\or sister in the same yard with them ... but they all were just bickering or talking about one another behind their back... carrying on and not having a clue what it feels like to not be able to see, hear or touch their sibling. People sneaking around badmouthing the other... I just wanted to scream... give them one ounce of my heartache and let them realize that these times are precious, and once you lose a sibling, you dont get to make more memories... you only get to live with the ones you have!! which are not nearly enough to last a lifetime! Maybe I was just more touchy than usual because of your, mine, and mom's bday this month or maybe it is just getting to be that time of year again... thanksgiving and xmas will be here soon... I dont know. I know you understand what I am saying. we used to talk about how crazy our family was before... I know you were just sitting up there laughing your butt off cause you did not have to be there... Anyway Jenn, I love you and miss you every minute of everyday and would give anything to have ONE MORE DAY!!!! Sometimes at night I wake up and I swear you are in my room, maybe you are, maybe it is just me hoping, but whatever it may be... it is nice... if at least for a moment!! I love you sis!!
Your birthday will always be a day we take a little special time to remember your life here. I know your life goes on in heaven and its more than I can imagine, but here we have only the memories and the love in our hearts that we shared. I know the angels danced today all around you and it was a beautiful day there. I wish I could have been with you too. We all miss you so much! HAPPY BIRTHDAY sweetie. Always we will think of you, we will love you forever.
"will I ever run out of tears?" / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
"will I ever run out of tears?" / Josie Hester (mom)
My daughter, she is the sunshine in my days, the star shining down in my night, the love of my child will forever remain in my daily life. How do I go on? My heart aches with grief that is relentless. I dont know how long my life will be, I just know everyday I have here til eternity will be incomplete. Jennifer was such a sweet, wonderful person, an Angel while she was here, and God took her home. Jennifer was the kind of person everyone should have in their life. She was truly amazing. I have heard of other young lives that were lost and how the parents wanted people to know just how truly wonderful of a person the world had lost. That too is how I feel. Jennifer had such a giving nature, she never judged anyone, she loved her friends and family, and even the passerby. Jennifer was funny and love to laugh, she was musical and love to sing, from the time she was talking, she was singing. She had a beautiful voice. She had a real passion for it. She also loved the elderly. Jennifer loved her Grandpa! One of her favorite songs to sing was "Grandpa" by the Judds. She sing it to her grandpa many times. Jennifer worked in a nursing home for a while as a nurse's aid while she went to Nursing school. She loved taking care of them because many did not have family that was around and she would pamper them , she would talk to them and visit with them, and even sing to them. Jennifer knew that loving them was all they wanted, someone to just give them a few minutes of notice, a hug or a smile. Jennifer went from there to working in the Emergency room at the local hospital , and she loved the fulfillment she got from helping others. Upon graduation, she went to work in the Cardivascular Intensive Care Unit at a hospital in Tyler, Tx. She was so excited about it. I remember her calling me after a day or two of working there and she was so eager to be the best nurse she could be. She was not yet tending patients, awaiting her license, but so anxious to help others. Jennifer was also all about being a perfect Mom to her little boy. She adored him. She spent as much time as she could loving him. Once I visited her at her apartment, and as the "mother I was", I said something about her cleaning her apartment (which wasnt really dirty) just needed a little pickin up.....and she told me that spending her time loving and playing with her son was much more important than cleaning. Thats the kind of Mom she was, she didnt mind the little messes he made, she didnt mind the spills or the "accidents"....she knew all that was very little, what was very big to her was the time to love him, to Hug him, to let him grow, to encourage his self-confidence, to look at things thru his eyes. She was so very proud of him. She always told everyone about him. She always disciplined him with a loving firmness. In every way she always tried to make him feel very loved. As a mother , she was the best in the world, as a daughter she was perfect in every way. She was God's gift to many! Even today she still touches our lives and many others too. This site has had THOUSANDS of visits and I know every single visit is touched by her love. JENNIFER, she is so missed by all of us , her family, her friends, her little boy. JENNIFER made such an impact on so many lives, and still we feel her life here was way too short. WE WILL FOREVER MISS HER! Jennifer has been in heaven for 2-1/2 years, it sometimes feels like a VERY long time, because we miss her so much, other times the pain is so fresh it feels as tho it was moments ago that her life here ended. Friends ask us how are we doing? And most of the time I just respond, that we are ok. But losing Jennifer is nothing we will ever get over, we struggle with moments each and every day, OK? I dont know that we will ever be ok again, we grasp for ways to just cope with everyday, somedays are lots harder than others, I dont know how many tears that a human can cry in a lifetime cause mine still flow every single day. Sometimes I have thought "will I ever run out of tears?" probably not, I love her so!!!
God Bless You All / Leslie (None)
I am so sorry the loss of your beautiful daughter. May God bless you and your family May God bless her little boy. How is he doing with all of this? I pray that god will heal all of your hearts. I know it's not easy losing a loved one. My Grandpa died 2 almost 3 years ago. I know it was not easy creating this as well. Please feel free to visit my grandpa's website. God Bless You All.
a Mother's day without a child, a Mother's day without a mommy / Josie Hester (mom)Read >>
a Mother's day without a child, a Mother's day without a mommy / Josie Hester (mom)
I wanted to say I have very mixed feelings about Mother's Day, the pain is undescribable....for me Mother's Day is a very sad day. Not as much for my loss but knowing Mason will never have his mommy to give a card to, a hug to, or to tell her how much he loves her. At school , Mother's Day is more than one day, it is several days of planning and making a little gift and a card just for mom. My heart aches for Mason more during this time than any other, cause I know he feels her absense more at this time. This year his little gift he gave to me, his Nana, and I just cried, he didnt quite know what to do, he could see my tears cause it is more difficult to hide the pain now. He hugged me and I told him I loved him so much! I thanked him for the little gift that means the world to me but I know inside it is so meant for his mommy...and my heart aches for him. I know Jennifer cant ever be replaced and I can never feel the void Mason has, sometimes it is very hard to look into Mason's eyes, he has his Mommy"s eyes and I see her and I see a little boy that misses her. I am so grateful for the life I had with you, Jennifer... I ll always love you and I'll aways miss you, I know you hold Mason's hand and guide him with your eternal love , I know you are telling God all about him cause when you were here Mason was your life and I know he is your life in heaven too.....Happy heavenly Mother's Day to the best mommy in heaven! Close
Thank you for coming to me in my dream!!! The next day I felt better than I have in a while I guess because I was able to verbally talk to you. I wish everyday that I could hear your voice, hug you, talk with you or see you in person. I miss you so much I can not even begin to describe it. The feeling that I have is like a huge hole in my heart. I know there are things around here that remind us all of you; especially Mason... he is sooo much like you. I see him being so warm hearted and compassionate.. he loves to gives hugs. He will walk up to one of us just out of the blue and say "I want a hug" and he will wrap those arms around us and give us a hug. His imagination is so much like you as well. I remember us as kids and you could always come up with some great stuff from your imagination. He does the same!!! I love to hear his stories.
There are some days when I leave mom and dad's when Mason is there and all the way home I cry... I get so overwhelmed with sadness I just cant hold it in anymore. I think about Mason not being able to hug you, kiss you or see you in person. I know between all of us here, we will keep your memory alive in Mason and he will definitely know how great a mommy you were to him.. I truly believe that he still has a part of you with him.. a part that none of us can ever begin to give him. I also think about my son not ever getting to meet you. I know that you would be someone that I would call alot since I had a baby. I know you would have such great guidance. I look at him sometimes and try my best to hold back tears but I just keep thinking that he will not ever get to be held by his ONLY AUNT!! Jennifer, I miss you so much I do not even know how to describe it anymore. Yes I have days that I am so angry but EVERYDAY I miss you. I think of you. I wish you were here in person!
Mason's 5th birthday- Mother's Day Angel / Josie Hester (Mom)
Mason's birthday, he is 5 now, another birthday without his mommy. I wish I could tell you how proud I am of the mommy you were to him while you were here. I dont know if I ever told you. I was so amazed at your gentleness and your strength. You were such a loving mommy and I know Mason was your life. You beemed when you talked about him and you were always talking about him. He was your pride and joy. And You were mine, I was so proud of you and you were such a joy to my life. Remember how others always said I treated you more special, well maybe I did because I was gonna have less time with you than Dana and DJ. Mayvbe some how it was meant from the beginning. All I know for sure is I miss you terribly now. You could always make me laugh. Mason is so much like you. He even likes mustard sandwichs, just like you! Mustard on everything! I laugh at some of the silly things he does and it makes me think of you and how you always made us laugh. Mason loves swimming just like you. He is quite a little fisherman too. He had a good time at the lake for his birthday. He just couldnt wait to grab his fishin pole and go fishin every morning. I am so glad we have him, he is where I get my strength. Without him I just dont know if I could bear it. He is a joy! Jennifer, I will always try to help Mason through the difficult times, I will aways share your memories, I will share with him how much you loved him. He will grow to be so proud that he had a mommy as wonderful as you. Your strengths will prevail through his life here and I will do all I can do to help him know what a wonderful mommy you were and how you loved him so. We all miss you in everything we do! Life here will always remain different, til we are with you again, our family is not whole. Mason's birthday, always close to Mother's Day, it is a blessing for me, helps me not focus on the pain so much....thank you my angel. Close
Easter+Family=MISSIN-G YOU! / Josie Hester (mom)
Another holiday, family comes together once again, and the pain and saddness of your absense is present among us. With laughter and tears we remember You. Everyday you are in our thoughts and hearts. WE miss you so much. Different ones shared memories of you and tears were shed . Everyone loves you so much and everyone misses you so much. Of course our hearts ache for Mason, he voices that he misses you and wants his mommy. Mason is four and will be five next month, two years without his mommy. He still doesnt understand and still thinks you will come back. I took him to the cemetary on Easter and he walked up to your headstone and rubbed his hand over your picture, as I walked up to him I could see he had tears in his eyes, my heart breaks for him, he looked at me and said " I want my mommy" All I can do is hug him and tell him I want his mommy too. I tell him she is in his heart but he doesnt understand and says , he doesnt want her there, he wants to hug her. Sometimes I think about him and how can a small child deal with such a loss, I guess its a good thing children have short attention spans, cause most of the time Mason will move on to happier things fairly quickly. He does ask more questions now and I know as he grows he will ask more. God help us to know the right things to say at the appropiate time. Mason and I colored Easter eggs on Easter morning. Dana & Jaxson & Jason was there too, along with Pawpaw & DJ. I hid the eggs and Mason and Dana & DJ hunted for them, then Mason wanted to hide them so Nanna could find them! He is so sweet! He got 2 Easter baskets, one from Nanna & Pawpaw, and one from Emmitt. Emmitt always brings him an Easter basket. I know he thinks of you, especially at Easter, so many times you cousins were together at Easter and hunted eggs and spent the day playing. I have some video of yall at Easter and it is a tearful joy to watch. So many memories, yet not enough. We all wish you were still here with us. For everyone that stops a moment to read this tribute, let me tell you- I beleive with all my heart in God. He has promised us a life of eternity with no saddness, only joy and peace. I had an experience once when we were attending church that I want to share. I was going thru things and was praying that God would touch my life and give me comfort and peace. I heard God's voice that Sunday, it was just as if he was standing right there, I went to the alter and I received that peace I was praying for. God is real and he can come into your life and give you peace, he can comfort you. If it were not for that "touch from God" I would not be able to bear this pain now. I sometimes feel very overwhelmed and God sends me small touches of the peace I was onced so blessed to recieve. I feel Jennifer"s love, her eternal love. I know she is ok. I know we all dont understand the "why" but I still believe God is in control, even though its not always what our choice would be, God has the answer, he knows all. And in our lifetime we may not know that answer, but if you ask God into your heart he will forever be there. First to believe then to have FAITH. Just as so many times we all think of Jennifer in our heart, so will God's love be. All I can tell others that feel the pain is unbearable, just trust God and give him your heart, truly believe and you too will receive peace. It is not everlasting here, this is not heaven; but someday, it will be. You see when God let his ONLY SON die on that cross, it was to give us eternal life, that is, the ones of us that TRUELY believe. I have had a child and now she has died. I "know" the pain God felt on the day that Jesus hung on that cross, and God being able to take his son down before death made the choice to let him die so we all may have eternal life. I could not have done it. It is a promise and if you believe , You too can have the promises God made us. I know in my heart Jennifer is in that "Land of Promise" - "Heaven" I know as my days here go on , there will be sad times, there will be happy times, always missing her, but always knowing- I too have the promise that God made, eternal life, to be joined in Heaven with Jennifer. Some people tell me "I'm a strong person" I dont feel strong, I just believe in God and his word, I do get strength from that. And I pray everyday for God to hold me up. Without God, it is a pain I could not bear. The song "Ten Thousand Angels Cried" is about the day Jesus dies and how God had to look away, let his only son die, so to give us the proof we all need to believe , yet still some dont believe. My heart swells with admiration for God and how strong he had to be, how much love he has for the world, all of us. The song "I Can ONLY Imagine", it is one of my favorites, and I know Jennifer is there. I do miss her. God knows my pain and he comforts me. I pray , God , touch all that hurt, give them comfort and peace. Amen. Close
This is the only place I feel like right now I can talk to you... it is really hard for me to come to the cemetary. so here goes... until I had Jaxson, I had no idea how it felt to have a baby- I know I am probably over protective but I do not know what I would do if something happened to him.. right now I still can not stand to hear him cry... it makes me hurt somewhere deep inside. I know you understand what I am trying to say... today you have been on my mind soo much... I just want to be able to talk to you and you talk back to me.. I want to hug you and tell you I love you.. I was thinking today about how everyone says that in Heaven you are happy and you have everything you could ever need... but something inside made me think about how I would feel if I was taken from Jaxson... or Jaxson taken from me... I know I would be insane.. and even since the first moment I felt him move inside of me I have had nightmares of losing him.. in several different ways but none of them were easier than the other. I know I have no idea what a parent feels like that has lost their child.. for example MOM... but I have thought long and hard about it and do not know that I would have the strength to make it. It really hit me hard today... I always think about us here on earth.. we lost you.. but how do you feel? you have your child and us too.. maybe you are in a place that is utopian and you have the answers so you understand more than us... I know Mason loves you and you love him and I know that somehow he will always feel your presence and he will definitely know what a wonderful person you were...!!! especially a mommy to him.
I wish I could bring your nephew to see you... I wish I could share his pictures with you. I wish we could just sit side by side with our sons and watch them grow and play together. I miss you and love you more than words can even begin to express.
Tributes and Condolences
